......We are starting to feel the buzz around the offices as Doug becomes more and more fit everyday. It's only a matter of time now before Doug becomes Mr. Universe and then executes his amazing cartwheel. While discussing his pending competition we began to realize that Doug has a pasty white complexion not unlike that of the belly of a catfish. Doug has a natural aversion to all things outdoors, so I decided to to use some legal over-the-counter skin color enhancing cream. The cream of choice was Banana Boat Sunless Tanning Creme: Deep Dark Blend. It claims that the color is self adjusting and natural-looking. Cool.

.....Despite his "Hey soldier-boy sucky-sucky five dollar pose, Doug was merely preparing for the application of the sunless creme to his belly.

.....At this point we realized that Doug had the Mr. Universe competition in the bag so we decided that Doug didn't even need to tan his whole body so we decided he needed just one word. Soug felt as though this word should be poop. I stared at him. This is what we wrote.

.....Despite everything I learned in physics and geometry we somehow ran out of room too fast and had to spell winner with a hyphen and taking advantage of two lines of text. With the creme applied all we had to do now was wait. The bottle claimed it took 2 to 3 hours to take effect so we ventured into the living room and began to watch some Seagal. After several hours it was evident that the Banana Boat had passed us by and the experiment was a failure, so Doug loaded up the "Neon of Doom" and headed back to sticksville. Then much to my surprise at a blistering early for Doug 3:30 P.M. I received a call and all he said was "I'm a winner." and hung up. Later that evening Doug arrived and I was yet again truly amazed.