.....Early last week as I arose from a satisfying nights slumber and began my long trek to the workplace, I noticed some bread strewn across my front lawn. I didn't really think much of it and figured someone was just feeding the birds or something. All in all though, it really didn't seem to affect me all that much. I came home and went to bed that evening kind of muttering to myself that that was a bunch of stupid bread all over the grass and concrete in front of my apartment. As I lay there in my bed, I also began to realize that it was pretty much winter time and could not recall the last time I had seen a bird around here.

.....Needless to say the bread was still there for the next several days and I wondered why the hell it was there each day as I walked past it, but really never had even considered any of the ominous overtones of the bread that would later develop. So now fast forward several days doing the same morning ritual and heading out to work. Lo' and behold there is more bread out there now!!!!!! This time it is white bread and some of it has holes poked out of the middle!I hurriedly got to work and all day it was bothering me seeing as none of the original bread had gone anywhere. Now there was some really old wheat bread and several new pieces of white bread with holes poked in them.

.....I was now seriously starting to think that there was some horse-shit going on around my domicile, and perhaps even some hokum and flim-flammery. I considered saying something to the people that run my apartment complex, but then thought better of it, thinking that it may have been one of my neighbors that perpetuated this attrition. That was until my neighbor that looks like a sasquatch asked me if I knew where all that bread came from in a VERY accusing tone. I of course denied any wrong doing, but now the stupid bread was affecting my personal life. It really bothered me that sasquatch thought that I threw the bread out there, especially since he was my main suspect. I was still willing to let bygones be bygones and continue leading my life on autopilot as usual when the unthinkable happened a couple of days later.

Prepare

to

be

horrified!!!!!!

That's right! its a stupid bagel!!!!!

.....Now someone had dropped the gauntlet and the battle had really begun. I was not sure what I was up against, but I had some ideas. I will personally guarantee that no fruity communist bread cult was going to throw bread on my front lawn and get away with it! It was now time to do some investigative work.

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