Delighting Neighbors!

.....When you move into a new dwelling you will inevitably be faced with the daunting task of meeting your new neighbors. We here at SMOTW realize that this can be an intimidating and sometimes unpleasant experience. To make it a bit easier we have assembled some of the top sociologists from around the world to come up with this list to help you become the neighbor that everyone talks about and loves.

1.) Anytime that you are not working NEVER EVER wear a shirt, unless you are female then ALWAYS wear a robe and slippers.

2.) Within the first several hours of moving in be sure to go to each domicile near you and ask each couple if they "swing".

3.) If you are moving into an apartment building ask the neighbor above or below you if they could help you move in your drum kit because your stupid bass player roomate flaked on you after getting drunk and barfing all over the van.

4.) Ask a neighbor if you could borrow a cup of baking soda. If they say yes accuse them of making crack cocaine in your building and call the cops.

5.) When a neighbor knocks on your door put Vaseline on your hand then answer the door, shake hands, and invite them to come in and watch some "movies" with you.

6.) Never let a neighbor call you by your first name.....insist they call you Mr. or Mrs. Bojangles. For example, "Hi, my name is Tom, but please call me Mr. Bojangles." Do not ever explain why and always get pissed off if they use your real name.

7.) After talking with your new neighbors for a few moments ask if they smoke weed. If they say no ask if they have any children.

8.) After living in your new apartment for a few days go over to a connected neighbors apartment and tell them that you can hear them farting in the bathroom and laugh like it's the funniest thing ever.

9.) If a neighbor asks how your move in was tell them it will be a lot better when they finally get your RV towed over from the old place.

10.) Honk your horn for 10 seconds whenever you start or shut off your car no matter what time it is and if confronted insist that it won't start or shut off unless you do that.

.....By using these simple pointers you will be the hit of the neighborhood fondue parties in no time. There is no need to thank us, your happiness is thanks enough.