Being in the retail field for a long time tends to "harden" an individual and can almost make someone hate the entire human race. If you are in a retail position, and are looking for a way out.....we here at SMOTW can help you do it in style. We have come up with this quite cliché' top ten list to help our brethren in the service industries lose their jobs.

Top 10 ways to lose your retail job.

10.) When a customer begins to ask a question say "Liar." Continue saying "liar" and covering your ears until they leave or assault you.

9.) When a customer comes up with a complaint repeat everything they said to you in a mocking tone while lip-synching it with your pee-hole.

8.) Any time a customer approaches you sigh very loudly and say "It's right over there.....God damnit hang on let me put my shoes on."

7.) Any time a customer asks you to do something always respond, "Yessa Massa, yessa massa."

6.) For female employees always ask the customers if they can smell anything because it is your time of the month.

5.) No matter what the customer is buying tell them that your friend Keith got one just like it, but he's a faggot.

4.) If a customer asks for something behind the counter insist that you don't carry it and try to stand in front of it or just blatantly place it under the counter.

3.) Pick out an obscure 80's metal band and insist that it is your favorite band ever. Always try to talk about your favorite band with customers.

-Customer: "Hi, do you have any AAA batteries?"

-You: "Not sure, but Helloween sure was electric when I saw them in Atlanta in '87. It's a tragedy about their drummer killing himself. I personally feel that they are the greatest rock band of all time. Man....I remember huffin' a bunch of gas with my Uncle one time and we went inside and listened to Keeper of the Seven Keys for six hours straight.....great fucking album......GREAT fucking album."

2.) Never look at the customers face. It sounds simple, but this will seriously piss them off. Seriously.

1.) Breathe heavier than normal, stand really really close to the customer, and agree with everything they say.

Any of these activities will have you in the warm embrace of an unemployment line in no time. Happy hunting!

Home